New Year... New What Now?

I suppose I could start this...again. I'm not good at keeping up though. What can I say? I'm lazy.

Okay. Maybe not lazy. I have three kids, aged 6 years, 3 years and 7 months. I'm busy and I'm tired. I'm learning to love myself, even my foibles and that's definitely not easy. I don't do the workout thing well, although I've tried, and want to try again. I don't eat as well as I should, but I eat well enough. I'm overweight, but that can be fixed, thankfully. I live alone 2 weeks and then have my husband home for 2 weeks. I worry like a madwoman, but I'm working on that, through medication and counselling. Thank God for counselling.

So now what? I'm working through depression and anxiety. Some of it is loneliness at being alone so often, but I can handle that fine. I work hard when he's gone. I'm questioning what I'm going to do after Grady gets older. Is there something that I should/could/would do? I have lots of ideas. But never really any firm answers.

One is my photography. I could do that. I could be really good at it and make money at it. It seems though that there are so many photographers and the competition is ridiculous. I know plenty of them. I'm as good as them, or rather, I have the potential to be as good as them, but I don't really want to compete.

I've thought of working with kids. Specifically, children with special needs. Since Logan started school last year, I noticed that I really like kids. As long as it's temporary. And during our playgroup outings, I spoke to many mothers and workers with children with special needs. It's fascinating and also really inspiring. It also makes me so incredibly thankful for my preciocious and extremely able bodied children.

What about psychology? I love people. I love to know what makes them tick. I love to help people, and would like to be able to guide people in their lives and helping them make the choices that could make their lives better.

What about combining two of them. Child psychology? Who knows? That could be INCREDIBLY interesting and highly fulfilling.

So yeah...New year, what now? I guess it's time to answer some questions. I won't use the word resolution because those are too easy to break. I want this year to be better for me. I want this to be a year for me. I want to take the time to take care of me, so that I can be better at taking care of the people who are most important to me.

So, I will continue to take my meds. I will keep seeing my counsellor, even if it doesn't neccesarily seem like I need it. I will try to eat better. I will try to get out more and get to the gym. I will try to help my husband save money so that we can get a house in the near future. I will try. That's the best I can do, and that's all anyone asks for.

So...a new year... A new time to try. Maybe even keep up this blog. Who knows? It could be fun!