I'm Not The Only One

I know I'm not the only one. I know that I don't ever have to feel like I'm alone, because I'm not. Millions struggle with my problem. And yet, that's little comfort.

Hi. My name is Shevaun, and I'm overweight.

Bet you're not shocked. How many other men and women blog about weight? How many men and women complain about how hard it is to diet? Exercise? Will power?

I'm not going to complain or rationalize. I won't feel guilty, I won't bitch or complain. Why?

Because it's my fault!

**GASP!** A fat chick admitted it's HER fault? Oh MY God. Wow.

I see myself. I know what I ate the night before, the day before, the week before. I'm aware of what I put in my mouth. Because guess what? I'M THE ONE DOING IT!!! Wow hey? No one's forcing me to eat a bag of chips, two or four slices of pizza, whatever.

What do I do about it? Not much. Do I know how to change it? Yep. Of course I do. I was diabetic when I was pregnant with Olivia. I know the change in diet works fabulously. I came out of my pregnancy the same weight as going in! Okay...so all you mommies, hate me now. It's okay. I'm used to it.

However....

I'm heavier now. I like people trying to encourage me. "Oh...you've lost weight since I saw you last!" "Uh. I just saw you like two weeks ago. I'm not so sure." But thank you. Really. I do appreciate it.

Why am I heavier? I eat alot at night. I have little to do. Housework, kids...but no one to entertain me. Do I need someone to entertain me? Yes. Yes I do. I'm a highly social person. So I substitute it. I don't exercise enough. I'm aware. I do try to get out alot though. Parks, playgroups, malls. But little kids are not a good way to get lots of exercise. They don't move quite fast enough. I have a double stroller though.

Now that I have answered that question, will I change it? Um. I'll try. That's what I'm going to say. Noncommital? HELL YES! I'm not going to "commit" because that means that if I fail at some point, and I WILL fail at some point, I don't want someone going into this blog and literally quoting me.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULD!!" Bah...I said I'd try. And it's in black and white for all to see.

I plan to be out more because it's summer and there's lots to do. Last year, Olivia wasn't walking and so going to parks and stuff just wasn't that much fun. Sure. It was great for Logan, who could go and run and play, but poor little Olivia would just sit in her stroller and fuss. She wanted to go play. But she couldn't.

So here I sit. As usual. Thinking about it. Thinking about how good it would be for me to get there. To work at it. And then I see how much work it would be and it's so discouraging. Then I stop and realize, it's small steps. Just changing diet. I can do that. I'm not big on eating out anymore anyway. I hate the way I feel. I hate feeling guilty that I'm spending money on it. I hate feeling guilty period about it. Then...I can go for a walk. I walked around most of Hawerlak last night. That's a big park. I know that the circuit of Knottwood Road is just around 3kms. That's a decent walk. But I need the weather to improve...or at least even out! Gee! It's not fun!

I joined a gym. Do I go. Nah. They have childcare...good luck on getting in when you need to though. And when I went in, I got half of the circuit shown to me and then left alone. No one checked on me to make sure I wasn't having a coronary, or needed help or had questions. That was highly discouraging. No fun. Hated it. Don't want to go. And not because I didn't feel better afterwards, but because I don't want to be ignored. Don't want to go alone and didn't like the negative vibe. That was no fun. I want it to be fun.

Anyway. Like I said. No bitching. Just honesty. My doctor thinks I'm funny. I'm honest. It's weird for people. I'm sure they're so used to excuses. I try. I actually do. But I don't try too hard. I'm jolly...:) But this jolly girl's gotta get herself down to a spot that's healthy and good for the kids. It just sucks that there's so much stacked against me. Including the fact I just started birth control, which has thrown all sorts of things out of whack.

But know now...I KNOW! Believe me. I KNOW! It's all over tv, it's all over internet, it's all over radio and it's constantly in my face. I GET IT! And I will eventually get around to it.

Sooner than later I think...